404 The Dangers Of Not Asking For Help

The Dangers Of Not Asking For Help

There are two kinds of people in this world. Those that never ask for help and those that always ask for help.

How’s that for a generalization? Honestly though, that’s how I perceive it. If you haven’t guessed, I fall on the side of never asking for help. And it’s making me miserable.

It’s funny because I know people who really need help and it annoys me when they don’t ask for it. I look at them like they are too proud to ask for help. They don’t want anyone to think someone as awesome as them would ever have any problems.

And yeah, that is pride. But not asking for help because you don’t want to bother people is false humility. And that’s pride too. It’s not fun to admit, but it’s one of the biggest issues I deal with.

It’s funny because I’ll bend over backwards to help a friend in need. I’ll drop plans and go out of my way to make sure I do whatever I can for them. But for whatever reason, I don’t always believe they will do this for me.

I have a bad habit of making decisions for people. I say to myself, “Look at what they are already dealing with. They aren’t in a place to deal with my problems too.” I don’t share what I’m going through because I don’t want to be a burden to anyone. I keep it inside and power through it on my own.

What I totally miss is that while I’m going through my own junk, I have no problem helping people with their issues. And while I do, God gives me grace to be strong for them.

So why don’t I give others the opportunity to have the same feeling I get when helping others?


But it doesn’t feel like pride because I think I’m protecting people from taking on more than they can handle. What happens is that I take on more than I can handle.

I can deal with a lot…for a long time. But eventually I hit a wall. And then I fall apart.

I’m tired of waiting until I can absolutely no longer deal with issues any longer and I break down. I feel like it’s a disease and I really need help.

The irony is that I can’t ask for help to get help with asking for help.

My wife sees this in me and I’m so thankful that she pushes me. She stretches me out of my comfort zone and she challenges me to ask for help. Even if it means that I don’t talk to her about it. She just wants me to talk to SOMEONE.

This isn’t one of those posts where I share my experience, how God did something awesome and got me through it, then I share with you to encourage you. I’m still in the middle of this one.

I feel challenged to share this before I get the victory. I believe there are many of you who have the same struggle. I believe there are some of you that have overcome it.

Today I want to ask for help. I ask for your prayers. I ask for your thoughts. Let me know if you are dealing with this too. Let me know if you’ve overcome this and found the freedom I’m longing for in this area.

The stage is yours now. I’ve done my part. At least for today.

Do you have a hard time asking for help?


  1. Hmmm. Great stuff, Tony.

    I often find myself needing help and not asking for it because I feel like I can handle it. I’m also the first to jump in if someone else needs help.

    However, this has led to near burnout on more than one occasion.
    ThatGuyKC recently posted..5 Question Friday: Baby Bag!

    • Great point, KC. I’ve hit burnout once in my life. Like real deal burnout and it wasn’t pretty. It was directly a result of not asking for help until it was too late and my entire life spun out of control. I’m trying to learn from my mistakes but it’s crazy how you go back into old ways.

  2. You’re preaching to the choir here… I’m the same way and I know that it’s a gift, but like all gifts from God, it can be abused. I’m better than I used to be, but far from where I need to be. You’re a good guy, Tony. I know for sure you consider others in all aspects of your life… I think that’s a good start.

    Thanks to Jason for linking you up today!
    floyd recently posted..A BAD BOY SCOUT

  3. It’s hard when it’s getting harder to trust in people. Eventually, when you get burned, you rather burn yourself than get burned by someone else. This is what makes it harder once you do open up, ask for help and get pooped on like a *NYC pigeon who think it’s a good idea to poop in your Chinese food while you eat it in the park on a nice day out (not that I would know anything about that).

    And yes, pride is even trying to control the people who help you out and who poop on you.

    *Stupid bird!
    Moe recently posted..Friday Quote: Dripping Jesus

  4. I’m much better than I used to be. I can identify completely with what you’re saying. Even with this campaign for the new album, I didn’t really want to do it this way because it’s hard to ask for help and the fear is that some may think “Oh, he doesn’t have enough faith to do this on his own.” It’s all silly, but seems so real in your own head! Thanks for the honesty, Tony.
    Jason Stasyszen recently posted..Love Came Down

    • Yeah, I get that man. I talked through this exact issue with a friend who has debated doing a Kickstarter campaign to raise funds to finish his album. It’s ironic that I can dish out the encouragement in this area but have such a hard time receiving it for myself.

  5. Thank you so much for sharing what you’re going through. This post strikes really close to home for me. I find it nearly impossible to ask for help. I tell myself I am capable of doing it all on my own just fine, thank you. (Pride) But another part of me knows the truth of the matter is this… I also struggle with fears of rejection.

    Ways I’m working through this? I remind myself that no where in the Word does it say I’m supposed to rely on my own strength and go through life alone.

    And I also try to keep the perspective that, if I don’t let others help, I may be robbing them of a blessing, of something God wants them to do for me, to serve Him. And I don’t want to interfere there. Granted, this is way easier to discuss than actually practice. Remember we’re all a work in progress, and don’t give up on overcoming this.
    Jaklyn recently posted..Salted Caramel Coffee in Wounds

  6. I absolutely HATE asking for help. HATE it. And yeah, it’s pride. And God’s been forcing me for the last few years to ask people for help. And it’s a painful time of growth.
    Jason recently posted..Though none go with me, I will actually go

    • It sucks doesn’t it. I think it hits us harder as guys. We’re built to get things done but we also have to learn to ask for help. It’s humbling but I know all of us guys could use a lesson in humility.

  7. Thank you so much for your honesty here, bro! You know, I struggle with this exact same thing…and I usually wait until my breaking point to reach out to someone. I know it has to be more than just me being arrogant enough to think I can handle things on my own, even though I know that’s apart of it. But I also think I have a hard time trusting people…it’s a huge frustration for me…but I really think that’s an issue I have. I’ll be praying for you, man!

    • That’s it, man! I struggle with trusting people. Not with my past but with my present. I make the determination that they can’t deal with it or won’t deal with it well…many times before I even give them a chance to prove me wrong.

  8. Incredible! Thank you for sharing this, because what we go through is not uncommon to man. I have been asking for wisdom in Mat 7:7-12. Learning to ask and learning to ask for bread. This is awesome and so up my ally!

  9. Tony,

    Love your transparency in this post. I can definitely relate to this. I used to be afraid to ask for help. In this season I am learning to let down some of my emotional walls, put my pride aside, and let others in.

    It’s not easy, admittedly. But the deeper and more intimate I grow in my relationship with God, the need for others grows. We are family. There is no reason for *any* of us to think we are alone in our fight.

    Victory is already won, Tony. I hope we can all learn to celebrate that truth together.

    Beautiful post, Tony.

    You’re in my thoughts.
    Julie (@InciteFaith) recently posted..Why Accountability Works

  10. Your post reminded me of some good advice I once heard. Never say someone’s “no” for them. We always just assume people are too busy to help or want to help. Yet, if we are humble enough to take the time to ask, we might be surprised by the answer.
    Eileen recently posted..Into the Beautiful Link Up~ Magic Lassos & Invisible Planes

  11. Tony, I don’t have a hard time asking for help. But I once did. It was all centered around pride, or being embarrassed to ask because I thought everyone else knew the answer and I was the only one who didn’t. But thank God I have been liberated from the pride of asking for help. I just need to continue to work on the rest of my areas of pride.
    Juan Cruz Jr recently posted..How to achieve high levels of Productivity

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