I haven’t written much about marriage in the last 6 months. Honestly, I’m not always sure what’s appropriate to share or how soon after something happens. So I err on the side of caution.
But there are great things happening in my marriage. I’m learning a lot about what it means to be a man. I’m learning that even when you think you have issues from your past dealt with, they still have a tendency to creep in subtly if you aren’t on guard.
Last year I wrote a guest post called The Weight of Expectation. It talked about how when we put the weight of expectation on our relationships, they end up in disappointment. It was actually eerily similar to my post this week. The post from last year talks about shifting from expectation to expectancy and I used that same verse in Romans 5, that I used this week.
As I reflect on what I wrote, I realize that it doesn’t matter how much information you have in your head about a subject. What matters is that you walk it out with someone. And for this lesson to “take,” I’ve had to walk it out in my marriage.
It may not seem like a big deal on the surface but it’s important to communicate about household chores. It’s incredible to see how much resentment can build up when someone doesn’t do the dishes.
This is something that I’ve recently had to navigate. I can’t tell you that I have a formulaic answer. But I can tell you what worked for us.
We finally got honest about how we felt and uncovered expectations that we had constructed in our minds. We brought it to the light and almost instantly the power of offense was removed.
It’s beautiful to see that when you quickly expose an issue, it quickly loses power. It’s only when we let issues fester that they build into a monster.
Marriage has been a constant lesson of heart change. I’m constantly becoming less of who I am and more of who WE are.
It’s a lifelong lesson in oneness. One mind, one heart, one love.
If you want to read my full story on what happened with the chores, please check out my guest post today called “So Who Does The Dishes?” in Prodigal Magazine. It’s an online magazine run by two great friends of mine, Darrell and Ally Vesterfelt. After you read mine, read through some of the other stories on the site. They are powerful!