404 Finding My Rhythm

Finding My Rhythm

Life has changed quite a bit for me in this past month. My girlfriend moved down to Florida to be near me. My girlfriend became my fiancé. We’re planning a wedding in two months. We started training for this in December. It wasn’t until this past week that I realized that life is moving to a whole new beat but I haven’t learned the song yet.

Up to this point, I had a LOT of free time to myself. A big part of my every day life was reading and writing blogs. Spending time on social media. Hanging out with friends a few times a week. Watching movies. Keeping up with a handful of TV shows online. Playing a few rounds of Black Ops on my Playstation 3. Oh the life of a 30-something bachelor.

If you’ve read any of my more recent posts, you know that I’m a big proponent of rhythm. I’m not a fan of the idea of balance. So with all these new things in my life, it would be pretty hypocritical if I tried to balance them all with everything I had already been doing.

Different rhythms call for different focus. My focus right now is my relationship. I’m preparing for the rhythm of marriage. Because of that, some of my other activities will have to take a back seat to my committments. It’s not enough to know these concepts and write about them; if I can’t live them they are worthless.

I’ve decided to pull back a little from my blog. I’m not sure exactly how much yet, but I won’t be writing 3 posts every week. Not for awhile anyway. I’ll also be less frequently commenting on your blogs. I’ll still be reading most of them, but I refuse to leave the “Good post!” comments. If I’m not contributing to the conversation, I won’t comment.

Many other things in my life are being scaled back as well. The most important element of my life is creating a healthy foundation for my marriage. As much as I love writing and the blogging community, it just doesn’t come close.

It will probably be a few weeks before I find out exactly what this looks like. I just wanted to share with my regular readers that you may see some changes in consistency coming. You may not see me around as frequently online. But I’m here. I hope you’ll stick around because I have a metric TON of unfinished ideas that I will release at some point.

At the very least, you can expect one post per week.

This is my first step in finding rhythm in all of these changes. I’ve never been more excited to enter into a new season. It’s something for which I’ve been praying for a very long time. It’s everything I wanted and more. Now it’s time to live like I appreciate it.

How do you find a new rhythm in your life (e.g. new relationship, baby, job)?


  1. Simone Fitzgerald says:

    Just when you think you have a season of life figured out, another season takes its place. Blessings on you and your fiance as you renegotiate your time and start a life together, it’s a transition for sure but good for you for scaling back on other things to invest in your marriage.

  2. Beautiful choice, brother. Without using those same words I suppose that this is what I was doing with my month or so away. I’m finding my rhythm again and it feels good.
    seekingpastor recently posted..While I Was Away

  3. Tony, your rhythm sounds like beautiful music, keep dancing to the beat of that drum bro!!
    chris vonada recently posted..You can tell a lot about a guy by looking in his grocery cart

  4. I was honestly just asking this question of myself this morning. Last night my husband and I were spending time together when I noticed a new email pop up on my screen, and he noticed that I noticed. The subject line told me it was semi-urgent about an author interview I need to schedule with a radio station…and my husband had to tell me it could wait until the morning to answer it. Of course it could–and I need to establish better boundaries between my work and home life. Working from home, the lines often blur.

    Also I could not have imagined how much my time would change after marriage. We love spending our evenings together! And this has introduced many new rhythms in my life as I try to rearrange when I talk to my family on the phone, clean the house, work, etc. Blessings on you and your fiance as you renegotiate your time and start a life together, it’s a transition for sure but good for you for scaling back on other things to invest in your marriage.
    Stephanie S. Smith recently posted..Beauty Will Save the World

  5. I’m finding a new rhythm too, out of necessity. I had to keep floating this summer, so I took another job. I’ll have three jobs in November. In order to still spend time with my girls, my family, my friends, my guy… I had to let blogging and commenting go a bit.

    I feel guilty about it, too. I feel bad that I’ve not kept up with the needs and big (and small) life events of my online friends, but there are things closer to home that demand my attention.

    • You shouldn’t feel guilty at all. You are doing what you have to do for your family. I wrote about differentiating between commitments and participation a few posts ago.

      I started to feel guilty with some things but I realized that it’s not feasible to do everything. I have to learn this new rhythm and do it with grace and enjoyment!

  6. I appreciate (and so will Katie I’m sure) how intentional you are about your life. It makes such a difference.

    I’m pretty fierce with my time, only letting in things that I value or that absolutely need to be done… people I want to invest in, things I want to work on that are in line w/my priorities, other stuff I put in the back seat 🙂
    Jenny recently posted..Weekends are for {Photography}

    • I’m learning that I have to be fierce with my time. In a few weeks, I have to learn how to share EVERYTHING. Not just my time but my life. I figure that the sooner I start practicing, the better!

  7. Tony it’s a new rhythm and a new chapter in your life. What I appreciate about your post is that you have come to this conclusion awhole lot quicker than I did in my relationships. I commend you in your wisdom – you are off to great start in your soon to be marriage. I look forward to all your posts, even if it’s one a week. I have appreciated what I have read in your blog since I recently discovered it three weeks ago. I know that whatever you write about, regardless of the frequencey, will minister to me immensely. Now go out there and dance to your new rhythm!
    Juan Cruz Jr recently posted..Inward Commitment leads to Greatness

  8. Whatever you decide to do – just DO IT! You don’t need to explain to all of us out here in bloggersville – we totally get it. For me – I run my own business from my home – am a recent “empty nester” and love my time and connection with others via social media and my blog. It’s not hard to find both “balance” and “rhythm” as we alway seem to prioritize what we really are passionate about 🙂 You’re in a very new season of a new relationship and it’s right to concentrate on that right now – happy for you!
    Cindy Holman recently posted..24 Years Ago

  9. Tony,
    I love the post. You are making a very wise decision. I’m in a similar boat of sorts. This time of year is crazy with the start of school and I feel a bit too “stretched” to continue writing 4-5 times a week. I know I’m stealing from my wife a bit right now (with time) which is not a good thing. Thanks for the heartfelt post and I look forward to continuing to read your posts – whenever they occur.
    Jason Fountain recently posted..DID THIS GUY TEACH YOU?

  10. good idea sir – when my wife and i got married (and soon after had our first child) I made a conscious effort to step back and really just focus on making sure our relationship was solid
    Charlie’s Church of Christ recently posted..Lectures As The Worst Way To Learn, Or Why Sermons Are So 1677 (Part 2)

  11. Glad to hear you’re figuring this out BEFORE marriage. Each season of life is like a new song on your soundtrack. Each has a new sound, beat and rhythm, but they fit together like a platinum record.

    I’ve backed off of blogging since June because I needed to find the new rhythm after finishing an MBA. Funny thing is I have more time, but I’m writing less. I chock it up to that “new math” they’re teaching kids these days.

    Congrats on the new chapter in your life story. Looking forward to seeing how it impacts your writing. You’re a good man.
    ThatGuyKC recently posted..6 Essential Items for Every Bag of Fun

    • I’m making a platinum record, baby!

      It’s crazy because in the past few days where I’ve completely disconnected, I’ve gotten TONS of ideas to write about. Fun how that works. 🙂

  12. All the best to you both, Tony!
    Larry Hehn recently posted..Name That Toon 19

  13. Good luck with everything, Tony! I’ll still be looking forward to your posts.
    Shawn Smucker recently posted..When Your Dream Requires Waiting…and a Teeter Totter

  14. Always healthy to reevaluate how things balance out in your life. You got a big commitment coming up… 🙂 Better prepare, discipline, and prioritize things now!

    Even if you post 1x, we’ll be reading. Keep em coming Tony. 🙂
    dustin recently posted..Live in Your Gifts

  15. Let me get back to your question in a month or so.
    Jason recently posted..Day 216 Part 2: Another huge door closes

  16. Good for you my friend. I usually find the right rhythm by slowing down enough to catch it. You’re doing it right, Tone.

  17. Tony, if you don’t comment “good post” then how will I know whether it’s a good post or not? 🙂 Seriously, glad you have the wisdom to do it this way and find the new rhythm than to get all stressed out. Follow where God leads in all of it. My life before marriage and family (at the tender age of 19) was very different and those times aren’t coming back. Some things were great and others I don’t miss at all, but there’s no use mourning it endlessly. Gotta have the rhythm (even us white guys). 🙂
    Jason Stasyszen recently posted..Light Friday Hit List: 8/5/11

  18. I’ve found that each week brings new challenges and opportunities with it. The best way to address this is to constantly address our planning and scheduling. There’s benefits in getting into a routine, but those can quickly become ruts or boundaries that impede progress instead of assisting it. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves the hard questions.
    Loren Pinilis recently posted..Do You Think About Your Death Often Enough?

    • I’m learning to be flexible on my routine. When life changes, it’s not feasible to try to stick with a routine at all costs. I’m learning to go with the flow when necessary!

  19. I’m actually in the process of finding a new rhythm myself – no new relationship or move or anything big like that, but I’m trying to do more of the Branding and Design stuff, so I scaled back on my own blog (that was tough!) and will be going through my Reeder and seeing what blogs I need to cut back on. I spend way too much time reading blogs.

    Good luck with the wedding plans bud! I’m sure it will be amazing.
    Jason Vana recently posted..Approval Junkies

  20. I think it’s awesome that you know how to go with the flow and change things up when the situation calls, that’s the only way that you can possibly go into this new marriage without neglecting your relationship. Good for you.

  21. Tony, I think it’s great that you have the self-awareness to be able to pull back at this time. Thank you for being honest with everyone here about this new season. I will surely miss your posts, the wisdom that you share here, and your comment luv. But, I completely support you finding a new rhythm with your dance partner! EEEEEEEEK! So excited for you and Katie.

    And, this reminds me, I totally owe you a guest post that I’ve been simmering on for far too long.

    Take all the time you and Miss Katie need. I’ll always have a little time in my blogginess for you two!
    Keri recently posted..Five Minute Friday: Whole

  22. We must find our rhythm, because if we don’t it will find us. And it will get us:


    (I crack myself up.)
    katdish recently posted..And baby makes six

  23. I am so happy for you. You are doing the right thing by standing back and re-prioritizing. I’m sure the Lord will bring you back at the right time, your voice is much needed.
    kd sullivan recently posted..A Disappointing Bride – New Glarus Series

  24. Do your thing sir. We have our torches lit, but we won’t be burning the place… yet (insert evil laugh). 🙂

    How do you find a new rhythm in your life (e.g. new relationship, baby, job)?

    Oh, that’s easy. I just fire up this bad boy:

    Moe recently posted..Friday Feature: Letters From Grandma

  25. Jeremy Walker says:

    Hey Tony,

    I’ve learned so much from you the last few weeks and I really admire what you’re doing for your relationship and future marriage…sometimes it’s really TOO easy to get caught up in the routine things of our lives….we get used to them and before we realize it those things that use to excite and engage us somehow veer us off course and into a rut! This rut can water down and sometimes destroy the fervor and passion we once had for God, life, and other people. What you’re doing is awesome, man!

    Thanks for all you have done and continue to do for me!

  26. Congrats on the changes!! Glad to hear your adjusting the rhythym to fit the changes. I think you have choosen wisely. Good relationship is about intentionality. He who finds a wife finds good, and obtains favour from the Lord. So take the time you need, be as intentional as you must. I think time is like money. God wants us to be good stewards. So again, conrats!!!
    douglas recently posted..Friends

  27. Awesome! What part of FL do you live in? I’m in jax!
    Brandon recently posted..Top 5 Posts From May-July 2011

  28. Hey Tony…great decision! I’m with you brother…spend as much time as you can with your fiance…get to know her more and more each day…it’s really important. Let her be your best friend…not this blog….

    Thanks for inviting me in to your community here. I love it…

    I’ll still be here reading…
    Arny recently posted..Weekend For Thought # 17: Go To Jail?

  29. Tony – you tweeted about Bruce Miller’s book, Your Life In Rhythm, which caught my eye. Today there is a group of 6 men (all who previously never met before) getting on a conference line every Wednesday for 7 weeks to go through that book with the intention of leading a different life than before the book.

    I say good for you. It sounds like, in Miller’s words, you are seeing more of a life of “full engagement, maximum performance, and sustained health.”

    We move our daughter into her own apartment this weekend. Just when you think you have a season of life figured out, another season takes its place. I am always learning, stumbling, and walking in God’s grace.

    Congratulations on the big December event.
    Scott Couchenour recently posted..God Knows How To Sew

  30. It’s hard with a third girl in the house now (4 total) but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

    As for the new found rhythm? Well it takes lots and lots of communication.

    With the wife and I, if we stop we take at least 5 steps backwards in differing areas.

    It’s easier to just speak up.
    Matthew Snider recently posted..Friday’s Five – August 5th

  31. It’s tough man. I’ve recently scaled back on the commenting as well. Actually last week I didn’t comment on a single post. I needed to find the rhythm that is needed with my new life here in LA. And I’m not going to lie that I was feeling a little burnt out on the whole thing. Praying daily for the two of you.
    Michael recently posted..The Red-Letter Problem

    • Yeah, it’s way too easy to get burned out on reading blogs. There are so many great writers out there. I’m so excited to find new blogs and learn from others that I over-extend myself.

      I’m going to be extremely jealous with my time right now. I have to be.

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